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Dear Abbot,
I have tried to delete this post and several others. It shows they are deleted, but then I am routed back to another format
where I can still view the posts.
I can neither delete them here or on Google.
Amazing that this is what I dreaded might happen, or something similar.
Now, I think trusting anything on the internet with anything significantly personal is just unwise.
Hope I am wrong, but from here, it feels I’d better learn from this lesson.Thank you, Abbot, for assuring me that you’re having the right parties correct the problem.
Sr Deana
Dear Sr Becca,
I’m glad my brother’s wisdom (really the Holy Spirit’s 😉 ) has helped both you and me! Please pray for him. I think you and I were talking about him in good faith the other day. This is the one who graduated Queen of Angels and then attended St John’s in Camarillo CA as he felt called to the priesthood. I think if he had known of Anglicanism he would have become a great priest. But the conditions of the RCC seminaries were corrupting and he left a broken spirit. I fear many generational demons continued to assault him and he became enslaved to vices that have taken him far away from his first love–God Our Father. But all things are possible with God and so Our Lord God alone is my hope.
Sr Deana
It might be a good idea for me to clarify that I do abide by the prayers we say in the Office. And Lectio is a big part of all I read. In my sharing above, I do admit I fall short nevertheless. It seemed tho that I ought to clarify as opposed to admitting to something that I am not guilty of. Then I would have to add deliberate lying to the list! At 11:30 pm that thought is making me chuckle!
Dear Rev. Dr. Dan!
Here is one of those places I missed thanking you for your instructional feedback, but instead sent it in the “no reply” email! gee wiz
Thank you, Father! I read it thoroughly and contemplated.Brother Monty
A lot of contrast popped into my mind about the apparent narcissist-types and the humble servants who take care of what needs doing or cleaning and such and then goes on to the next thing the Lord has for them in relative obscurity. But yeah, I know the ones who must be the stars of the show–nothing to be admired really. Just thanked for the contribution. A duty one pays them. But like you, I admire the “little old ladies” in life as the ones you described so well.
My own need has not been so much for recognition for volunteer work; It has not been a glaring problem for me. But seeking after the approval of others by achieving something my heart was not in — Oh but my ego was–that’s something I have done–a fault I’ve practiced. As much as I’ve so often said over the course of my life that I did not like competition and that Id much rather compete with myself by simply bettering myself, it seems I have at important times found myself too proud of some accomplishment. I think a lot of my faults might be revealed quickly by the Lord. It seems if I do not notice them, He will allow some circumstance in life to smack me down to size. And I don’t mean to sound uncharitable towards myself–although I can do that too, LOL, but here I’m honestly admitting that the Lord has chastised me. Often it has been with a screaming conscience. But first, I am often embarrassed because someone else must have noticed how my character was in question by perhaps, an offending comment I said. In other words, or to bring out my point, it is sometimes embarrassment rather than true conscience which gets me first! Ego! Then later on, sooner I hope, I can scrutinize from a better condition of heart by considering all the factors, mainly a person or people with (a)name/s and face/s, hurt by what I did or failed to do, whatever the situation might be. That is when true contrition is possible and change small as it is can begin again. Then with gods help I can choose to use God’s gift/s from a more Christ and other centered state, rather than a me-, me-, me-centered state of mind.
Thank You Father Dan!
I tried to send you a letter more than once until I realized that I must respond here to your feedback and not in the email. It is a “no reply” kind of thing. So now I have missed thanking you for responses and feedback a few times. This is good to know as I can communicate right here.
Sr Becca,
I think I know what you mean. You have inspired me to contemplate this idea. Good health is almost common sense, and basic to a little education that can be passed on by word of mouth. If I may say so, I think you gave a good example in mentioning your doctor’s advice.
Your doctor seemed to place physical health in its proper perspective.Monastic life for me is the heart and soul of a life that could otherwise drift away from the Lord, speaking of myself.
So I need the Rule of Benedict like a fish needs water and mammals need air. Years ago, I proved that fact. 12 Step groups for “dusfunctionals,” LOL, helped tremendously. Later, however, I discovered that the Bible would provide me with everything I needed if and when I was willing to study, pray, and obey. Monastic life particularly St Benedict’s Rule appealed to me–and I mean spoke to me as the devoted life of the gospel that I needed to apply in a deeper way. The well know Mother Angelica of Eternal Word Television Network shared that her vocation as a nun was a means God used to save her soul. She admitted to having a bad temper and living a focused religious life in communion with the Lord and her sisters was a healthy response to gain victory over her weakness.
In making our spiritual life the priority, I wonder if our physical health and other priorities can become more easily determined.Sr Becca,
I think I know what you mean. You have inspired me to contemplate this idea. Good health is almost common sense, and basic to a little education that can be passed on by word of mouth. If I may say so, I think you gave a good example in mentioning your doctor’s advice.
Your doctor seemed to place physical health in its proper perspective.Monastic life for me is the heart and soul of a life that could otherwise drift away from the Lord, speaking of myself.
So I need the Rule of Benedict like a fish needs water and mammals need air. Years ago, I proved that fact. 12 Step groups for “dusfunctionals,” LOL, helped tremendously. Later, however, I discovered that the Bible would provide me with everything I needed if and when I was willing to study, pray, and obey. Monastic life particularly St Benedict’s Rule appealed to me–and I mean spoke to me as the devoted life of the gospel that I needed to apply in a deeper way. The well know Mother Angelica of Eternal Word Television Network shared that her vocation as a nun was a means God used to save her soul. She admitted to having a bad temper and living a focused religious life in communion with the Lord and her sisters was a healthy response to gain victory over her weakness.
In making our spiritual life the priority, I wonder if our physical health and other priorities can become more easily determined.Sr Becca,
I think I know what you mean. You have inspired me to contemplate this idea. Good health is almost common sense, and basic to a little education that can be passed on by word of mouth. If I may say so, I think you gave a good example in mentioning your doctor’s advice.
Your doctor seemed to place physical health in its proper perspective.Monastic life for me is the heart and soul of a life that could otherwise drift away from the Lord, speaking of myself.
So I need the Rule of Benedict like a fish needs water and mammals need air. Years ago, I proved that fact. 12 Step groups for “dusfunctionals,” LOL, helped tremendously. Later, however, I discovered that the Bible would provide me with everything I needed if and when I was willing to study, pray, and obey. Monastic life particularly St Benedict’s Rule appealed to me–and I mean spoke to me as the devoted life of the gospel that I needed to apply in a deeper way. The well know Mother Angelica of Eternal Word Television Network shared that her vocation as a nun was a means God used to save her soul. She admitted to having a bad temper and living a focused religious life in communion with the Lord and her sisters was a healthy response to gain victory over her weakness.
In making our spiritual life the priority, I wonder if our physical health and other priorities can become more easily determined.Oh my goodness! I have found all kinds of incomplete sentences, maybe a couple of run-ons! I won’t make boring excuses. I’ll just ask even more of your tolerance and commit to saving my work and shutting off my computer so we both, it and I, are more efficient and effective.
Where are emojis when ya need ’em? God help me!Oh wow, Sr Becca! I confess, I know a better practice, but my first response to your question is to answer, I am a disorganized mess!
But, truthfully, I think the enemy of Christ would like me to believe that lie. Yes. I must go dig out of my storage compartment my Benedictine breviary–the size of which scares me to death! I know how to use a Roman Missal. I can use the Book of Common Prayer, and I love and personally prefer to use my Orthodox Prayer book. But we are required for good reason I totally trust to use the breviary. And so my grandson who wants to be an Oblate will be sent LOL to fetch that book specifically. And I will obediently and gladly learn to use it!
The Morning Office, Listening to the written word of God is so important for my well being and practice of obedience, helps with stability, reminds me of the importance of simplicity, and chastity too. Why? The practice of meditating on and contemplating the readings of the day reminds me of who I am in Christ. I’m learning that feeding on the word means an intimate connection with Jesus. Blending as Fr Nobles says, with Jesus, and so to become Christ-like.
I usually think a lot. I try to be careful not to be anxious. Sr Joan Chittester, OSB warns that we must distinguish between mulling things over and genuine meditation.I try to speak to God from my heart to. It takes time to get to that place of an open heart, unless I’m in real pain that’s surfacing, welling up–then I can just pour out my heart. I think of “Take up your cross daily and follow me.” I must examine my cross today and learn of it intimately. Doing this will help me know what I can do which will be pleasing to God and how I must love and serve others.
When I think of my own gifts and the eagerness to use them, I remember times when my younger self wanted to show off, feel important, maybe even improve upon someone else’s style or method of utilizing the same gift.
I can remember a time when I was anxious about the poor treatment I was receiving from someone in a more or less public situation. I spoke to a person wiser than myself. He overcame the problem by being other-centered. He helped me to understand that I needed to feel respected. I was hurt and overly sensitive at the time as I was insecure and lacked humility. That was hard to hear. But some of my old friends have an expression–Just breathe into it. LOL! It was one of my brothers in fact. So I did breathe into the new awareness. I needed more humility!
Okay. But what about the person I had to encounter? Back to being other-centered as I was far too concerned about avoiding my own uncomfortable feelings. My brother told me that my greatest need in the situation I found uncomfortable was to feel important and respected. He said that the other person needed those very things too. Why not forget myself and practice humility—which is simply truth according to Aquinas. Try to offer those actions and words which might help the other person to feel respected and important. I said that I did not like this person–wouldn’t that make me a phony? No he said. It will actually help you practice humility—you will choose to do the most humane thing, the actions and words most pleasing to God to feed the other person!This might be one of the greatest lessons I learned about humility along with learning to keep a large bottle of humility next to my bed with the label reading: “Humility: One large spoonful to be taken every morning and evening” metaphorically speaking. (Credit for the quote goes to Rita Davenport, the most important teacher of my early adulthood stage of life)
Hi Sister Shawna,
You spoke of being straightforward with self and God. I wonder that about myself, too. Maturity hasn’t helped me. I am chuckling at myself as I write, as I am assuming that I might have some degree of maturity. Still, the problem of remaining honest, humble, and self aware has been a lifelong struggle. False pride makes me want to say, It has gotten better over the years. Just when I get good at any of it, any of life, something so much bigger than myself crops up and I am slammed again. My ego is smashed. It hurts at the time, but I am so grateful for the humbling. Without it I would be deluded into believing I was a smarty pants. And that can get me into a lot of trouble. My false self is exhausting and Jesus’ burden is so much lighter and joyful. It seems that life is going to be like that for me. Even when I’m looking like I’ve got it together, hahaha, I feel another lesson is on it’s way. Maybe I am a little more prepared these days. If by God’s grace, I can be prayerful, honest, and humble–just one of those–then I don’t have to suffer as much and God might use me to be of service to someone. But, on the other hand, He can always make use of me as an example of how not to do something as I “fall and get up, fall and get up” a lot on any given day it seems.
Your sharing that “the balance of honesty with self and others truly prepares the heart for God’s transformation,” reminded me that that is the whole purpose of life. I want to keep that truth on my mind more often. You highlighted that for me. Thank you for that help!
Sister DeanaHi Sister Becca,
Living without silos, without compartmentalizing, being my authentic self, how to do it, how do I? I try. I cry, talk to God, think to God. Caregiving is a role I’m in with most of my relationships, at home and work. Not so much at church. But you are asking us to reflect on how to live without silos. I can say, Sister, that I long for the peace of feeling blended as Father Dan lectured. I love when I am there in that space. My own selfishness keeps me from experiencing God’s blended flowing peace, though. I can become a control freak in any situation and if I am demanding and selfish, I stop feeling blended. I feel fractured and I feel I fracture others, too. When I demand that any one person, including myself, behave in a manner that they are not, I stop being my best self. It is the doing part of “demanding” where I get into a world of trouble. I lose contact with God as a form of self punishment. It snowballs. I become a pitiful soul at those times. So, I feel in my world since my authentic service is one of caregiving–it can be challenging. I find I can start the fracturing of the peace of oneness any time, any where if I am not at least in reverential awareness that God is watching my nonsense. To answer, I feel doing the opposite would help me “live without silos.” When I am accepting, letting things, people, and myself just be, life is better. I can breathe in God and those around me seem to breathe easier, too. Thank you so much for inviting that reflection here! ~~Sister Deana
