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“Living in false self means…I am trying to offer what I do not have.” This is a wonderful insight that helps me, Carol. Trying to offer patience, energy, skill, even love that I do not actually have a hold of. I wonder if my desire to do this is about someone else seeing me as god? I want to be what I am not. I live in that pride and try to assert myself into a place rather than receiving well my own limitations.
Great insight. Thank you.
Brian, I wonder if you see any theme to these second chances. Have you noticed that God’s persistence and grace happens at any particular times or under any particular circumstances? What are the habits and practices that have enabled you to hear his voice when you are in those dark days?
Maggie, these values all seem to lead to certain kind of vocation. I would be intrigued to discover what your secondary values are. I found it to be difficult to distinguish between my primary and secondary values simply because my experience tends to be of the “secondary” values. Not sure why that is.
Brian, it is wonderful to hear how clear you are on this point. Unfortunately, the evangelical movement that Ockenga helped start doesn’t have space for this kind of life.
I don’t know your story, but I am glad that you have come to this kind of clarity. The world (my world) is better for your vocation.
Tom, I would love to hear your reflections on where you feel the Spirit pulling you. The naming of specific gifts can be limiting and artificial, so it is nice to see you simply notice where you find yourself. That noticing is itself a kind of gift. I’m reminded of the profound words that my dad used to quote, “Wherever you go, there you are.” Doesn’t God gift us for the situations we are in (even if the gift is knowing it’s time to go!)? It seems to me that the Benedictine vow of Stability would have something to say to us. I will try, like you, to remain responsive to the moment and place that God has placed me, confident in the fact that I won’t find more of God by going somewhere else.
Greetings. This is my first course with CMA. I had used Macchia’s text for my RoL last year, recommended by my spiritual director. I eventually did get a Rule of Life put together, but I think this course is going to help keep me much more accountable.
I’m a Nazarene pastor in Sacramento, CA and looking forward to continuing to explore the Anglican heritage that I think we Wesleyans ought to claim as our own.
Thank you for offering the course!
-Jeff Bassett
Brian, I would love to hear how you think about getting better at focusing on the poor. Is this assessable? I tend to have the same desire, but I struggle to know how I can do it in an integrated way with the other things I have happening in my life.
I think you are wise to select just two of your gifts to focus on for the week. The challenge for me is to try and do everything at once, but your approach will probably lead to a growth in leadership and teaching as well, even though they aren’t being focused on. You are developing eyes to see the way that people experience the world and compassion for needs, which is central to the act of teaching. I’d love to hear any reflection from this week of late October/early November if you have them!
-Jeff
Tom, I think you must be right about the gift of having a skilled director. It wouldn’t hurt to have one as insightful and gifted with a pen as Lewis.
Do you think that your memory being “[not] so great” pushes you to act in any particular ways? Writing things down or making notes so that you actually remember more better than others who might depend on their recall? I imagine that those who are in close relationship with you might discover all kinds of joys because of habits you pick up over the years, whereas someone else’s thoughts and reflections might just fade away with them. What you leave behind–a little like this forum post!– may just be the residue for someone else’s spiritual journey. I imagine David, with all of his Psalms, had similar feelings. How many did he feel were ready for publication? Or to be enshrined in the Scriptures?
Thank you for your reflections. I’d love any suggestions you have on what has been valuable for you to reflect on over and over again. Maybe they could help me too. 🙂
Grace and Peace,
-JeffThank you, Maggie. Everything good comes from the Lord, even a willing spirit and open lips. Wow! It is wonderful to read a redemptive take on the incessant knowledge of our own failures, sins, and mistakes. The consciousness of our sins can serve to corrode so much that is good, as you have described, or it can prompt us to seek those gifts from God.
I wonder–now 3+ years later–how your Rule of Life has spoken into this tendency for you. Have you been able to discover some victory in this area so that the “emotional toll” of this consciousness has given way to “hear[ing] gladness and joy”? Are there practices that have made a difference or is the awareness itself powerful to make the change?
