Back to: Discover Healing through Grief
OVERVIEW.
This course is for anyone who has experienced grief, who is grieving, who knows someone who is grieving, or who wants to show healthful compassion to someone who is grieving. So, this course is for you.
Hello, my name is Dan Nobles and I will be your instructor, your guide through the next four lessons as we seek to Discover Healing through Grief. These lessons lean heavily on a set of four short books provided through Stephen Ministries, as well as my studies and experiences as a hospital chaplain who provided care for numerous families and individuals as they walk the dark path of grief. Should you want to purchase the books for yourself or a friend in need, you can get them through the Stephen Ministries website through the link below. However, you will not require the books for this course.
Journeying Through Grief Books
Where there is loss, there is grief. We tend to think of grief as a product of death. Certainly, grief is triggered by the loss of a family member, a close friend, or someone greatly admired. Grief is the emotional pain of any loss. Grief is a condition that exists in the void of someone or something missing. Grieving is the work of grief. Grieving involves the entire soul of me; my body, mind, and spirit. We grieve when a relationship breaks, when we relocate from familiar surroundings, when we have a change in vocation, or numerous other situational changes. Kenneth Mitchell and Herbert Anderson, in their book All Our Losses All Our Griefs, identify various types of losses that cause grief;
- Material loss
- Relationship loss
- Functional loss
- Role loss
- Systemic loss
Grief is the condition of the heart, while grieving is the process, the work of grief. In the West, we do not grieve well. Other cultures have created rituals for grieving. There are acceptable periods of time for grieving the death of a close relative and a different timeline for close friends. There are opportunities for loud weeping of remorse. There are feasts or fasts. There is customary dress for those grieving. In our culture, we seems to fail to allow for any space for grieving. Perhaps before a funeral for a couple of hours in quiet, but then the messages become, “It’s time to move on” or “Christians don’t grieve because they have faith” and other naïve remarks. Solomon realized, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh…” (Ecclessiastes3).
The material used for this course was prepared for grief from the death of a loved one. As you read through the short books associated with each lesson, Dr. Kenneth Haugk consistently writes about grieving in response to death. However, remember that grief is associated with any loss. Grief is real. Grieving is hard work! But healing comes from that hard work.
Where is your grief? Are you ready to discover healing through grieving?
A couple of things as we prepare to begin this study. As in all of the Christ Mission Academy courses, each lesson is divided into three sections, or assignments.
- The first assignment will include a brief reading and a video. The video is intended to discuss the key elements of the lesson, perhaps expound upon some aspects with materials from the text, provide some practical tools for your use, and share insights from the lives of others. The stories shared are true accounts from my hospital ministry. The names and personal details have been changed to protect their privacy.
- The second assignment offers you the opportunity to share your insights with others. Please remember that we are walking this road together. You should own your own story. Do not try to “fix” someone else. You do not know the details of their experience. Most of us simply need to know that we have been seen and heard. So, ask questions to help you understand, but don’t assume you know what others have encountered or how they need to grieve. The FORUM for this course is the virtual space for “classroom discussion.” Each student is to post something original – AND – respond to two other students (if there are more students taking the course).
- The third assignment is for your personal reflection. Be sure to have a journal or a notebook dedicated for this course. Take time to write your feelings for each lesson. This is an opportunity for self-discovery. You may find that you have unexpressed grief from past loss. You may discover that healing begins when you acknowledge that loss and begin to grieve it.
- Finally, complete the short quiz at the conclusion of each lesson. The quiz is not intended to be a stressor. You will quickly learn this is really a simple accountability tool to help you gain the most from this on-line learning experience.
Now the preliminaries are out of the way. So, let’s get started!
ASSIGNMENT #1
Before we begin this lesson, let’s pray for God’s guidance.
O God, by whom the meek are guided in judgment, and
light rises up in darkness for the godly: Grant us, in all
our doubts and uncertainties, the grace to ask what you would
have us to do, that the Spirit of wisdom may save
us from all false choices, and that in your light we may see
light, and in your straight path may not stumble; through
Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
In this first lesson, let’s consider A Time to Grieve.
As we labor through the hard work of grieving we tend to lose some perspectives. Our foundation feels shaken. Our world has shifted. Loss has created a major hole in our lives and there is an emptiness that throws everything off center. Your life has been turned upside down and it feels as if part of you is missing. In truth, there is a part of you missing.
However, you may feel pressured not to grieve. You may have heard others talk about the need to “stay strong” or “keep a strong upper lip.” Other times you may have been taught that “big people don’t cry” or that “Christians shouldn’t grieve.” You may even have friends tell you that “it’s time to move on.” These comments may be well intended, or they may simply come from the discomfort of others who don’t know how to grieve. Regardless of the intent, THEY SIMPLY ARE NOT TRUE! Grief is normal, natural and necessary. The three Ns of grief is where we will begin our first lesson of this course.
Grief is normal. This is how people respond to significant personal loss. It is very normal to expect people who suffered deep loss to grieve. A huge hole has been torn into the fabric of your life. Everything is affected. Your daily routine is suddenly changed. You have to adapt to a new, unwelcomed schedule. Things that were reliable are now missing. You are thrown into an unfamiliar environment. The normal response to such loss is grief.
Grief is natural. It is the most human thing to do. As humans we have a dimension of compassion like no other creature. God created you in His image. He loves and He grieves. We can’t avoid grief – it is built into us. We love, and when we lose someone (or something) that we love, the natural thing is to grieve.
Grief is necessary. Grief provides a healthy way to cope with loss and everything it means to us. Trying to ignore, suppress, or avoid grief will not work. It only pushes it deeper into our soul and causes the pain of grief to last longer and hurt more. Grief must come out.
Proceed to the next lesson assignment when you are ready.