Two Myths that Lead to Denial

[Margaret Hoggard]

There are two myths that I think have particularly affected my experience with grief: “It’s better to deal with grief intellectually than emotionally,” and “Continuing to talk about the loss only makes the pain last longer.” Both deal with pushing emotions away, to the extent of denying them full expression. In the case of the first myth, I have felt it is permissible to “study” the grief process, but to actually express the feelings surrounding grief (or feelings of any kind) tended to be frowned upon in my family circle. One of the problems with “intellectualizing” is that while it numbs pain, at least temporarily, it can also numb empathy towards others who are suffering. The second myth is one that I have heard in the midst of grieving. As well as leading to suppression of feelings that will continue to re-emerge again over time, it also leads to a sense of isolation. This message leaves one with a sense that his or her suffering isn’t important or he or she must be weak for wanting to talk about the loss, which in my experience can lead to loneliness, depression, anger, and even a sense of worthlessness on top of the grieving. While having an intellectual grasp of grief can be very helpful, compassion for oneself as well as for others is much more important in alleviating suffering.

[Author]

Posts