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When I was just a university senior student teacher I wondered seriously if the Lord had given me any talent to develop through skills training. My student teaching in 1994 in second grade was a disaster. I completed every week of lesson planning and instruction, but I failed to complete the extra forms necessary for certain reflections and documentation. I had developed bronchitis and when this slowed me down, I became anxious. Sadly, there are times even today when I become overwhelmed and my reaction is a neurotic one. I admit it. It is the only way I can quit it–that’s to admit immediately as I notice I’m repeating the flaw in my character. I’m better now, thanks be to God, but I will always need to guard my heart and examine my conscience in this area among others.
The bronchitis and anxiety drained a lot of my energy. I accepted and knew well that best practices required my integrity above all else. This meant I wanted to fulfill my responsibility to my students and their parents before my own need to show full documentation to my professor. Of course my lesson plans were always turned in; I was fully capable in that duty. But I was not completing all of the other homework required for that entire semester!
I preferred to have to repeat the course or augment my program, but the most important value I had was focusing on the learning needs of the children. There are almost always short cuts one can find. Even professors will sometimes help a student under pressure to “just get it done” by cutting corners, but the little ones might suffer some lack in quality classroom experience.
Yes, I loved the idea of graduating on time with my class. but I was a mommy to my own youngsters and I was ill. all my energy had to go into my health, my children, and my extended children and family of the primary grade school. My ambition had to be within the boundaries God had created by way of His Word in the Bible for my conscience and the fulfillment of His anointed gift of teaching on my life and those I served.
I would never be a true servant if I disobeyed God’s law of truth and charity to neighbor by finding illegitimate short cuts. The superficial worldly goals would have been satisfied, but God’s spiritual standards would have been grossly neglected in my service to children and in my service to Him. Ultimately my own soul would have been sickened.I’m thankful that God’s law is “written on my heart” in this particular situation and many like it. there are times when I knew in my heart and in Gods word that I was doing something His Word said “NO; this will hurt you or someone else. It is not pleasing to me.” I became soul sick every time and had to work through with great difficulty. I begin a web of self deception when I choose to rationalize God’s Word and introduce my selfish will instead.
Talent, gifts, and learned skills are wonderful, but they must be under God’s authority and the authority of whomever He has laced in charge. The spiritual boundaries are not of this world.
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