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It was an honor to discuss this a little bit with Sr Becca the other day. I realized that my highest priority and desire, even if I didn’t get the words out, is to love God and therefore my priority must be my spiritual self care.
This would be an excellent opportunity for over-self-criticism. I have fallen very short, I feel in attending to my spiritual practice. Although I cannot say that I am ever able to get god out of my head and His presence out of my awareness.But if grace is our awareness of God’s presence with us, then I think I must say, I all too often do not feel the grace of His presence. And that is why I allow myself to shamelessly commit a sin of impulse–such as talking too much, or being impatient with the dog, something that might not seem like a big deal, but it is because God loves the dog immeasurably! God does not, as in the first example–need me, an overbearing mouth piece, to speak for Him insufferably–which I have done.
If I do not make my passion which is God, the experience of Him in His grace, which brings sanctification to the soul and blesses the activities of the day to come, then I am going to be into my own will, a ship tossed around on the sea of life directed by every feeling that is up or down on the waves of circumstances. Yes. My ship is not my own. My life is not my own. I belong to Christ and I need to be glad He wants me! That last sentence alone would be food for contemplating the goodness of God every morning if I fed on nothing else.
It might be a good idea for me to clarify that I do abide by the prayers we say in the Office. And Lectio is a big part of all I read. In my sharing above, I do admit I fall short nevertheless. It seemed tho that I ought to clarify as opposed to admitting to something that I am not guilty of. Then I would have to add deliberate lying to the list! At 11:30 pm that thought is making me chuckle!
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