MHoggard_Lesson8_Trust: Relational_Priorities

[Margaret Hoggard]

Question 3: As you reflect on the health of your relationships, what positive and negative emotions were brought to the surface of your being? Where did you feel those emotions in your body? Why is it important for us to attend to our emotions?

Several years ago, a young woman sought my counsel about a difficult relationship that was affecting others who were close to her in painful and isolating ways. I had a striking realization that far more effort was being exerted by her and those around her in managing dysfunctional behaviors than in finding ways to build healthier responses. This realization led me to take stock of my role in relationships and to question whether I was fostering dysfunction or health. I made some disturbing discoveries that actually hurt my heart, especially as I did have training as a professional counselor and felt I should be doing better.

For instance, in a church situation, I was overlooking stewardship practices surrounding poor management of financial resources that limited the church’s effectiveness because I didn’t want to make waves that might cause me to be ostracized. In my family, I was also supporting a relative in behaviors that were contributing to a family estrangement. In all of my relationships, I played the role of giver to the point of creating imbalance where I supported others but received little support in return. These observations led me to examine my actions and attitudes more closely and to strive to become a person who could behave in ways that supported healthy growth in myself and others.

My path to doing better has led me to strengthen my relationship with God and to pursue my vocation to minister to others in ways that will spiritually uplift them and be a builder of health and hope. I would like to say I have experienced complete success, but my interpersonal communication professor, Rev. Lowell F. Walsworth, said, “There is no such thing as conflict resolution because relationships are dynamic, not static. What we aim for instead is conflict management on an ongoing basis to respond well to the inevitable situations that arise.” One area I still struggle with is recognizing that I need to draw strength from others as well as offering support to them, and also believing that I am worthy of mutually beneficial relationships in work, church, and family and friendships. My particular strength in relationships over the years has been to build up others to recognize their strengths and gifts and, especially as a writing and communication instructor, to develop and express their voices within their spheres of influence.

Blessings,
M. Hoggard

[Anonymous]

Very insightful and helpful. Thank you for sharing.

[Author]

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