MHoggard_Lesson5

[Margaret Hoggard]

Question 3 (Workbook page 71)

One loss I have experienced recently has been having to give up classroom teaching due to suffering from Trigeminal Neuralgia. There are a number of triggers that can set off facial spasms, one of them being speaking, and when I am experiencing attacks, I cannot talk. I felt called to be a teacher and practiced bi-vocational ministry within the profession, so I have gone through some periods of sadness and confusion as I have tried to follow God’s plan at this stage of my life. While there are lost days when I am able to accomplish very little, I am discovering that these times allow me time for prayerful reflection. As well, speaking less allows space for me to listen more. I have noticed that I am starting to relate to others on a more intuitive level, breaking away from over-intellectualizing. (This is the defense mechanism defined as “giving analysis and theories to avoid personal awareness or difficult feelings” on page 72 of the workbook.) I think the pain has also brought my feelings closer to the surface because I don’t have enough resilience to push them down. Another change is that I have to pace myself and really think about what I can realistically accomplish. Harder still is that I sometimes have to ask for understanding and even assistance during my more extreme periods of attacks. Fortunately, I don’t suffer spasms every day, and I am learning to avoid triggers, so I don’t experience continual pain even on the worst days. Having this condition has been a blessing in many ways because it has given me space just be still, and I feel I am on the threshold of a more emotionally healthy spiritual relationship with God as a result.

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