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Hi Father Nobles and Everyone!
It appears some of my sharing has not loaded properly or was lost. “The dog ate my homework—not!” It is, I admit distressing to think I might have not used my computer correctly–or the good Lord only knows what.I apologize if I am posting twice. Thank you for your kind tolerance!
“Achieving Congruency in the Mind of the Heart: Discerning and Wanting What God Wants and Living It by Demonstrating It,” should have been the title of my topic, but the length exceeded the limit. And come to think of it, the “Living It and Demonstrating It,” part suggests a second topic, or at least too broad a focus maybe.
I’ve had the conflict of wanting what God wants in theory because that’s what a “good Christian” is supposed to want, and at the same time becoming aware that my carnal desire was either clearly not in accordance with His word, or I was too impatient to go through the relationship part of being a Christian and actually talking to God about it, and patiently or even impatiently, waiting on the Lord for movement in my heart.
Over the years of course, growth has taken place, my spiritual senses have been refined, by the grace of our, merciful God, and through use as of necessity at times. Nothing like a crisis to bring one to one’s knees. Perhaps the first half of life is behind me, and I find myself more concerned with what God will let me do for Him, rather than what God will do for me. I understand that the Lord wants to work through us as St Francis’ prayer says so beautifully, “Make me a channel of your peace…” I think the prayer outlines the general idea, and in a way the virtuous specifics, our circumstances and choices fill in the less important details wherein the heart-work is done.
The Gospels are clear, I feel, about telling us what God wants. A lot could be said obviously, and has been spoken and written regarding what God wants of His children. In a local way, I would say that how I go to sleep at night, penitent and prayerful, thankful and not selfishly preoccupied with vain worries, casting my cares–reminding myself that faith must be practiced. Did I meet Jesus today? Was I attentive to His presence in me? In others? Was I sensitive to the whispering of the Holy Spirit? Was I moved to silence or to action? I think about these things at night. I ask for help and for forgiveness. Sometimes I contemplate the feelings of someone as a picture, like a snap shot of them will come to my mind. I noticed what I had previously missed! Sometimes it is near agony to realize–I don’t know how to put it into words–It just strikes me and all of a sudden I feel what was needed and I pray for the person in whatever need I previously overlooked, usually it amounts to a matter of the heart. This presents a time for soul-searching. The Holy Spirit shines a light on my state of mind, feelings, anxieties, whatever it was that distracted me, whatever it was that was more important than Jesus in that moment. I’m human and capable of being distracted by pride, worry about what others think of me. Sometimes I am callous and insensitive and I don’t realize it until I’ve done it. Sometimes I am aware and can apologize, own my behavior, and make amends. I love setting a good example and helping the person I hurt feel better with the help of God and/or another person. Making amends is sometimes not that easy though. And there are missed opportunities to love that cannot be revisited. Those are the moments I feel most helpless and that hurts the most. If I am not lazy, I can remain praying, rather than being dismissive–which I used to do more than now, until my heart opens to Jesus and the person I hurt or neglected is held in my heart log enough to arouse sincere prayers and tears. I trust that He has already supplied the love, the grace, or for the time being, that person remains hungry still. But I trust that no one loves a soul more than Jesus, the One ‘who loved me and gave himself for me… while I was yet a sinner.’
Thank you for reading my long post.
Do any of you have examples of a time when you discovered what your flesh wanted was in conflict with what God wanted?
Oh my goodness! I have found all kinds of incomplete sentences, maybe a couple of run-ons! I won’t make boring excuses. I’ll just ask even more of your tolerance and commit to saving my work and shutting off my computer so we both, it and I, are more efficient and effective.
Where are emojis when ya need ’em? God help me!Sister Deana,
Thank you for your transparency. I believe many of us can relate. We wrestle with trying to look like the “good Christian” and think the “good Christian thoughts.” We say the “good Christian things” but if we are honest with ourselves, we struggle to surrender our desires, and wrestle with God to accept His desires. We can rationalize the struggle, but (I believe) the road to deep intimacy with God, is confession. With an honest heart, then God begins to mold the clay of His creation (which is you and me) into the image of perfection (which is Christ Jesus).
Thank you again for a wonderful posting. You never need to apologize.
Grace and peace…
In Him,
Fr. DanI just finished reading a wonderful (short!) piece that speaks beautifully to this issue of contemplation and growth: “Jesus at the Age of Twelve” by Aelred of Rievaulx. He writes so beautifully of how even Jesus had to grow, and how God brings us along the same path of growth. I’d highly recommend it!
Blessings!
Sr. BThank You Father Dan!
I tried to send you a letter more than once until I realized that I must respond here to your feedback and not in the email. It is a “no reply” kind of thing. So now I have missed thanking you for responses and feedback a few times. This is good to know as I can communicate right here.
Sr. Deana, as a spiritually mature person, you provide much inspiration in your post, as well as an effective series of questions for reflecting on living up to Christian objectives at the end of each day. (“Did I meet Jesus today? Was I attentive to His presence in me? In others? Was I sensitive to the whispering of the Holy Spirit? Was I moved to silence or to action?”) Your story describes your beautiful transformation as you grew in your faith, and your change in focus from what God can do for you to what you can do for God is a powerful example of a Christian life well lived. Thank you for sharing what is clearly so deeply close to your heart.
God bless you,
Maggie
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